HH is for Human Habits
Which Human Habits Do I Mean?
There are many aspects in human behaviour that are habit-forming but I’m here to examine my own best failing!
Confession: I am an habitual self-doubter and it is at an acute stage right now.
We All Have to Challenge Our Own Habits…
- writing every day was working – now it isn’t
- writing this particular novel was completely doable – now it feels like a pipe dream
This is all quite depressing today. Huge apologies. However, my own writing struggles are being echoed all over the world. I am not immune to a sense of unease. It is crippling me but it will pass.
In My Own Defence…
- I have the neurological condition of Multiple Sclerosis
- as a writer, this affects my cognitive function and my energy levels
- so my thinking capacity is not at all straightforward
How Does This Make Me Feel?
- as though being 80% into writing a novel HAS TO fail because my brain is saying that
- as though I made a claim I cannot fulfil
- as though all clear signs I was making headway have now turned 180°
- as though I’m right back to the beginning
Clearly that last point cannot be true – I am still much nearer the end of the first draft of my novel than the beginning.
But my brain plays tricks, like a bully in the school playground, saying “ha ha, you’re not a real writer, you’re lazy, you’re too keen to rest“
The other day I tried to explain this roadblock to my husband. I came up with this phrase:
There’s No Should About Ought To…
- I feel I ought to be writing my novel now
- does that mean I should – or is it OK to concentrate on smaller writing projects?
- I feel I ought to complete my first draft before reaching for the red editing pen
- does that mean I should – or is it OK to dither and dally while I wait for true me?
- I feel like I ought to be a published author
- does that mean I should overcome irksome MS and still achieve my goals?
When It Is Over…
- my crisis of Human Habits will resolve
- I will find myself wanting to sit and create my novel
- I had no choice but to rest and wait
- it is easing – hurrah for that!
When the situation has turned itself around I will return to a regular rhythm of productive writing.
See also the previous article in this series GG is for Gigantic Gaps which will show you how long this problem has been bugging me in recent months.
Please Bash the MonSter!
Find out more about the hurdles people like me have to scale at MS Trust – thank you for listening. I feel better for sharing the truth.
More writing practice at ABC Alliterative Title Challenge.
